How to keep your relationship HOT while being parents...

Wether you’re married, dating, or in a co-parent relationship with your partner, raising children and finding time for one another can feel overwhelming. How can you balance your relationship while being a parent? How do you make time for both? 

They say that opposites attract; when it comes to balancing marriage and parenting, that can be a good thing. With each spouse bringing different skills and talents to the table, as a couple, you can learn from each other. Together, a husband and wife can help each other grow. While this can be a thing of beauty in a marriage, when it comes to parenting, sometimes being opposites isn’t a good thing. 

Perhaps he is sterner, and she is more lenient; he is more consistent, she is more flexible, or perhaps they are not certain of who comes first: spouse or children? How do you manage parenting and marriage? How do you handle discipline problems?

Balancing marriage and parenting is not for the faint-hearted. Putting our spouse first in marriage and managing your relationships after kids takes a lot of time and patience. 

Marriage after kids is an overwhelming experience that is common for many couples. It is mainly because couples tend to neglect their relationship amidst all the chaos of career, household, family, and so forth.

The dynamics of marriage and parenting are changing entirely. Here are some tips for balancing marriage and parenting without going crazy:

1. Teach your children independence

Not only will it help them gain confidence as he starts making his own breakfast, cleaning their own room, and even playing on his own, it’ll reduce stress on the parents and give mom and dad more time with each other.

It might seem scary at first but graduallyincreasing the amount of freedom or independence for your kids only helps them learn the necessary skills required for surviving alone or with others.

Marriage and parenting can co-exist hand in hand.

2. Agree on your core values

Love. Family. Work. Happiness. Whatever your core values are with regards to parenting, write them down. Keep those in front of you, so you always have them to come back to.

Hopefully, these core values will be a good baseline to help you both cover most of the basic issues with regards to parenting; this can go a long way in helping you achieve balance and harmony in your marriage while you go about parenting.

3. Connect with each family member

For at least 20 minutes per day, make sure to spend quality time with your spouse and quality time with each child. This time will help each person forge lasting relationships that will keep things balanced in your home. The habits that you practice every day make a strong impression on your kids.

4. Don’t fight in front of the kids

It’s really hard not to disagree on parenting decisions when you’re in the moment with your kids right there. Instead of talking it out in front of your children, excuse yourselves for a few minutes. Give yourself time to cool off before speaking with your co-parent. This will help you work out your differences and also be a more consistent parenting team for your children.

5. Negotiate and give up a little

If you are opposites in your parenting styles, then you both need to give up a little of your personal ideals so you can be on the same page.

6. Create a schedule that works for everyone

Get all the important stuff scheduled that keeps everyone happy and balanced. We’re talking bedtimes, mealtimes, family outings, sex—yes, even sex. When you bring kids into a marriage, you have to be more proactive with how you spend your time, so scheduling ensures that the most important things come first.

7. Be a team

You got married because you love each other. Maybe you have some differences in parenting styles, but know that you both have the same goal—to raise well-adjusted, happy children in a loving home.

Happy parents, happy children!

8. Communicate, communicate, communicate

how to communicate, efficiently, is undoubtedly one of the most important relationship skills you can learn to help you maintain both your married life and your life as parents.

9. Prioritize yourself and each other

For being happily married with kids, self care is one of the essential skills you’ll learn as both a spouse and a parent. It's easy to neglect yourself when you’ve got kids who depend on you and a spouse who demands what little attention you haven’t already spent on the kids, but if you want to balance marriage and parenting, you need to learn how to prioritize yourself once in a while.

You don’t have to neglect your othe responsibilities or people in your life. Instead, make it a point to take time for yourself, even if it’s something small like taking 20 minutes to meditate or work out.

10. Play with your kids

It seems like everyone has an opinion on how you should be raising your kids. One thing we can all agree on, is that kids don’t play outside like we used to. Even millennials who grew up in the 1990s had more freedom to explore and play — and fewer incentives to stay indoors. Unfortunately, this change has led to an increase in children suffering from childhood obesity. Get outside and spend time with your children on the playground instead of sitting on the bench and watching them play. You might be surprised how much fun you have, plus it’ll help you get some cardio, too.

11. Don’t feel guilty about taking time

If you’re not the perfect parent, you might worry people are talking about you behind your back.

So what if they are? As long as everyone in the household is fed, clothed, and happy, don’t feel bad about setting aside some time for yourself or for you and your spouse to reconnect. Self-care is not selfish. And, self-care includes caring for your relationship with your partner, in addition to caring for yourself. This is how you can balance your marriage and parenting at the same time.

12. Work on it every day

Finding the balance between parenthood and your marriage won’t happen overnight. Nothing worth putting in the effort ever does. Take the time to practice and find your balance. You will have to work on it every day. Take care of yourself, take care of each other, and everything else will take care of itself.

13. Eat together

It is well known that a family who eats together stays together. No matter how busy your lives are, always sit down to eat together as it is the source of love, fulfillment, and a satisfying meal. 

Besides, food is also known as a medium of deep connection. People are said to feel closer when they are eating the same food and eating together.

14. Build rituals

Every family has certain rituals. They usually come down from the husband and wife’s respective families that get replicated into their life after marriage. However, there should be certain stand-apart rituals of each family. For couples with kids, try to build and honor the ritual for your family- something you’d like your kids to carry forward as they grow up and move on in their lives.

https://anchor.fm/teddy-n-jenny/episodes/How-To-Keep-Your-Relationship-HOT-while-being-PARENTS-e25hk